Tuesday, May 17, 2005
this post is especially to darren...
Darren,
from the time when we were both appointed the Qm for the camp.. i thot we wld work well.. u were friendly and fun to be with.. i mean it... despite what i hear... i still kept positive views on u.... i heard abt u cuming back to do Qm stuff during ur study break.. i was very very touched.. nutting could express how touched i felt.. i really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.... den aft exam.. the first unhappiness actually started when u refuse to teach me hwo to type the memo.. and u did not eat becos u wanted tot complete QM stuff... i noe i was jealous.... but i would not help feeling that way....
I'm Sorry
den everything added up to the quarrel we had... we could not agree on each others views.. i had my views u had urs... but we both are stubborn.. we refuse to gip way.. den came the cold treatment.. we nv talked.. we show our unhappiness for each other on our face... but we nv did do anything abt it... if we had done sth abt it.. maybe.. juz maybe.. things would not have been that bad... i see u completing one Qm stuff after another... i feel useless and unwanted.. and again helpless cos i dunno wat i was suppose to do.. i begin to flare my temper at u....
I'm Sorry
i always wanted our friendship to be good... and i think of times where we could be at the camp smiling and joking with each other while we did those job in that boring PC room... till now.. i still think abt it.. and hope time could be turned back and let me once again fulfill this wish.. but its too late...
i had always been an asshole when it come to being a Qm.. We both lack what was most impt as a Qm... that was communication.. we refuse to tok to one another... I wanted to tell u that i did not wan to soak the kerosene becos my skin was not well.. i wanted to tell u that on the second day i was not feeling well i wanted to puke.. when soaking kerosene i almost puke a couple of times.. but i bear it... i wanted to let u know alot of things and hope i could get ur understanding.. but i was too stubborn... i refuse to say anything....
I'm Sorry
And i want to apologise to make things so bad for ur bday... i am sorry i knew it was ur bday.. i did not wan to say it out.. during debrief i saw u threw ur handfone on the floor... i saw u being upset though i did nto noe well.. i heard the seniors scold me once again... i kept quiet all the while... i did not wan to disappoint u on ur bday.. I'm sorry i lost control. i had to say everything out.. i lost total control of everything... i had to let all my hard feeling out.. i noe it hurts.. i noe it really do.. cos i hurt too... when u said abt me...
I knew that what u told me wree all true.. i want to make up for it.. but i dunno how to... even on the train aft watching the movie.. i wanted to say alot of thinsg to u.. but i cannot start,,,, i really wan to say a big thank you to u for all u have done.. becos u did a gd job as a Qm... thank you once again...
Happy 18 Birthday Darren..
:p
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feel the magical essence...# ;
